once upon an afternoon...

it's hardly raining, love to sleep bisan ug sakit ang dughan...
:(

I'm Back

Been away for almost a month. Got busy on things and had a vacation in other countries. I had this feeling again and again, it keeps on going back and is holding me back. I don't know but I feel weaker and weaker. and I just hate it. Why does it have to be like this? Yes, I'm just scared and I hate it... I know I need to be strong.

=(

Thoughts...

Upon surfing the net, I found this very nice quote it says "The greatness of love is not in its clinging on to the beloved but its capacity to give space to the point of letting go of the beloved in order for the beloved to live a meaningful life. We should never doubt ever whether someone loves us or not." Very true indeed. I just can't understand on why we can't simply apply this in our lives. Maybe because we're only humans which means nobody is perfect? I myself is troubled applying this in my life. If I love someone, I tend to overprotect him or her and won't let them go out of my sight as much as I can. I'm protecting them inside my comfort zones, I'm putting them behind the bars, and want to see the outside world with me alone. I want to be with them if I try to explore places, in all my memorable occasions. I'm making them my world, that I cannot enjoy my life without them anymore. And time comes that they want to be with others and sad to say, will upset me. And asks my self, how come they enjoyed without me? Here comes the problem. I became selfish that all I'm thinking is "I".  I admit until now I'm still trying to live my own life with them as part of it of course. Maybe this selfishness of mine is deeply rooted already that makes me hard to let go of such things. I'm making them my world which is not supposedly. It took me years to realize all this things. Everyday, little by little God makes me realize things. Being far from your loved ones is not at all bad. It will make you even more good and mature. Lastly, I want to emphasize a little bit of this line "We should never doubt ever whether someone loves us or not." We usually makes mistakes and do crazy things just because of "doubts". Right? You see, we doubt almost everything even with our loved ones. For those who are married, you ladies and gentlemen should never doubt your partners knowing that they chose you to be their life partners. I know that this is not applicable to all but for those who still believe in love keep your love alive. For those who are in doubt, there's a reason for everything try to find that reason and take note also that the heart does things for reasons that reason cannot understand. As for me, I still have a lot to discover, enjoy and keep the love alive. Mwahhugs everyone!

Speechless =)

I am very happy knowing what I ought to know. Thank you! I'm so stupid all this time. I simply fall for you over and over again. This feeling is so mysterious, irresistible and you're definitely right it's because I already have the best. Life is a constant change and so everything in us do constantly change. I am just glad that I have you. I do not know what comes next but I am ready. It's so weird because normally I have more things to say but now I really don't know what more to say. I am happy, nice feeling although a little bit drowsy but still happy and I can't wait to see you soon... 9 Days to go.. Actually, I've started counting since August 1 hehehehe..... I want to hold you tight, kiss you, love you and will never let go of your hands ever (chuckle).... For the first time, I'm really out of words. I'm speechless. Before I end this, I would like to dedicate this to you... "I'm forever yours faithfully..." 

Just Maybe

I woke up with many "what if's". I woke up regretful and "what if's" again. I just wondered on why I am feeling this way. Yesterday, I am fine but today I am not. I am now sitting in our dining table drinking my hot chocolate milk, checking my mails and is still figuring out on why I'm feeling this way today. Anyways, I don't want to think about this anymore and will just focused on my To Do's this day. I'll take a bath then iron my clothes then go to church for enlightenment... hahahahahaha..... But no matter how I tried to shift my mind on other things, it still longs to answer those unanswered questions. Am I still in the right mind? I'm not sure but I guess until now I was still trying to live in the expectations of others. When I was in my lower years, my parents expects me to do this and that but that's just okay. I just didn't like other people expecting something from me. I think I'm out of my story anymore. Going back about my unanswered questions is that I think I am just afraid of the future. I'm afraid that I am just wasting my time all this time. I should have done this and that, so many "what if's" again. Is it still worth trying? Maybe, just maybe... Here's a quote that moved me today "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new beautiful ending". Very well said isn't it? Good morning =)

Especially 2 U

I'm a stupid, hard headed person sometimes especially if I'm lonely. I didn't realize that I'm already a step closer to ruin my relationship in all sorts. I'm ashamed of myself and to make it up I have to do the conversion process over and over again... Just like a facial, you have to renew and renew your skin until you've achieved the promising skin, it can't be done in one session alone, it needs patience and time and so with the conversion process. I'm just happy that my loved ones didn't give up on me. I'm so blessed having them in my life, they've painted my life beautifully in spite of my ugly colors. I'll do my very best to be the one you all expected me to be. I love you all, mwahugs especially to U. =)

Dream

I was asked about my greatest dream. Then I went to thinking and didn't realized that it took me a couple of minutes to think about it, until now I still don't know. I was sure of what I really want in my life before but, after all that I've been through for the past twenty-six years of my life, everything just fades away. All I know is I simply want to be happy for the rest of my life. I'm longing for this and I will make this possible! I'm just the one making myself miserable. For those who doesn't know what they really want in life, you just need to think deep. Sometimes it already speaks to you, you just didn't entertain it, you didn't mind it but all along, it's always there. I also love to share this quote from a friend "Lies don't end relationships , usually the truth does ...". This just makes me think. Really? Have a great day guys!

=(

I am trying my best. There are just times that our best is not good enough. I'm really not feeling good tonight as I used to. I don't know what to do anymore, somethings wrong with me. All I want to do is cry hard enough to let it all go. I hope to dream a beautiful dream tonight. I really need to work on with myself but how?  

May I Ask?

May I Ask?

by SilentlyInLove

How did you make yourself beautiful in my eyes?
How did you make my time fast flies?
How did you make my heart beats faster?
How did you make my waiting seemed longer?

How will I make you forever mine?
Please tell me now and give me a sign.
How will I make myself worthy of you?
How can I make your dreams come true?

How do I miss you....

Upon reading this, tears of joy rolled down my cheeks as I thanked God for this one person. I feel like I'm in heaven, as if all the angels are carrying me to the clouds. I can hear the whispering wind in my ear saying he loves you and my heart is jumping with joy. I am so excited that I posted this in one of my social networking sites and received a numerous positive comments. This poem is like a pill to me, energy pill that makes my day, my week, my month to keep going. I'm not sure how you guys react if someone dedicated a poem for you, but for me, it makes me full of love and hope that someday, someday I can personally hug and kiss SilentlyInLove in person. If you happen to read this blog, I'd like to say thank you for the thought, the effort and for making me feel special even though I know that you are a busy career oriented person. Someone once told me that almost all career oriented person remained single in life but this I doubt. As long as we're alive then we do have a choice.

Falling Star

One night on my way home it was twelve midnight and is raining moderately. I'm not feeling well, my mind is nowhere to be found, just have this one of my thoughtless nights. And suddenly heard the music from the taxi driver's seat, it goes....

"Catch a falling star an’ put it in your pocket,
Never let it fade away!
Catch a falling star an’ put it in your pocket,
Save it for a rainy day!

For love may come an' tap you on the shoulder,
Some star-less night!
Just in case you feel you wanna’ hold her,
You’ll have a pocketful of starlight!

Catch a falling star an’ ( Catch a falling . . . ) put it in your pocket,
Never let it fade away! ( Never let it fade away! )
Catch a falling star an’ ( Catch a falling . . . ) put it in your pocket,
Save it for a rainy day! ( Save it for a rainy day! )

For when your troubles startn’ multiplyin’,
An' they just might!
It’s easy to forget them without tryin’,
With just a pocketful of starlight! "

Upon hearing this song, I didn't realize that I am already smiling and from there I felt happy. Until now, I'm still not sure how this song lifts me up and lights up my lonely and rainy night. This song is one of my favorite songs, it's very calm, peaceful, full of hope and I love it.

Think Twice (2)

Got a job offer again from one of the prestigious company here. Very good offer, it is all I can say, more better than what I have right now but, it's not what I want. A friend once told me to grab every opportunity in my way but then again, I guess I have to pass this again. I'm pretty sure that I will be happy in this opportunity compared to what I have currently it's just that I'll be more happier if and only if I'm near beside my loved one. You see, I'll be bonded for two years in this opportunity and I can't afford to wait for another two long years to be far from my heart. I've been far for almost four years from home but I never missed it until I'm alone. My heart left me for a better opportunity, yes I felt sad and turned my world upside down but I soon realized that it teaches me so many things too. It helped me appreciate life, family, friends and career more than I ever thought but still, of course I'm dying to go after it. I'm the first who left home and soon enough my heart followed to where I am. As much as I'd like to follow it immediately I just can't since I have a responsibility to take care of at that moment. And now, I can't wait  long enough to be there for our dreams. See you soon. =)

same way too...

There's something I wanted to tell you that I think you really ought to know. I love you, this feeling doesn't come along everyday, now is my chance to tell you how  much I love you. My heart has a mind of its own, it can go far just to be near you. Everytime you're near me I noticed the stars are twinkling or am I just having a wishful thinking? I'm saving all my love for you and I need to know if you feel the same way too.

Feelings

It's 3 in the morning, woke up with a pain in my left leg after stretching it. I still want to go to work but my legs won't, funny because no matter how painful it is, but I'll still prefer this said pain rather than the pain in the heart. I want to talk about "the feelings" for now. Have you ever have this feelings? The feeling of happiness, the feeling of emptiness, the feeling of guilt, the feeling of satisfaction or contentment, the feeling of sadness or loneliness and the feeling of nothing.

The feeling of happiness - I experienced this almost all of the time, I'm happy because I'm satisfied with everything and I can't ask for anything anymore. I'm not rich and I don't have everything if we're talking about material things but I have love. I love everyday and I'm living it as if it's my last day here on earth, I don't let a day pass without resolving arguments with my loved ones if there is. I just can't and this is me, I usually do the reaching out stage. I don't know if its the right thing to do though. Until there was one time that I became upset, it's only my opinion and I think there's no right or wrong with that. My opinion is different from his'. I am so selfish that all I was thinking is myself at that time without knowing what's going on with him. I still want to work it out and trust me when I say I'm still working out with it.It was this time that I'm feeling sad and lonely. Nothing in me is working, I'm like a disabled person with only one thing in my body that is working which I wished it's not. The "heart".

It's been awhile

It's been awhile,
Since I first felt ur warm embrace.
It's been awhile,
Since I felt ur tender kisses.

It's been awhile,
Since I felt contented.
It's been awhile,
Since I felt joy.

It's been awhile,
Since I felt I had a purpose.
It's been awhile.
It's been awhile.

How to be happy?

Tried getting busy in work and in the house
but i still feel empty.
Maybe this is because of my sickness,
been sick every now and then
just dont know why.

Is it because of the food I ate?
Is it because of my environment?
Is it becuase of my feelings?
Is it because of loneliness?

It's raining here again,
my friend usually associates the rain as sadness.
She might be sad right now,
and wants me to acknowledge it.

I always loved the rain,
since I was a kid I always prayed for rain.
It's just now that it makes me sad,
Felt cold and alone too.

I'm so sick of it.
I've always said "I had enough."
But my actions didn't connive
with my painful thoughts.

I hate you! I despise and loathe you!
Please stay away with me.
You detrimental-negative thoughts.
Go away please....

think twice

THINK. Not just once, twice or thrice but many times!. Got a job offer abroad and I don't know whether I should grab it or not. Everyone whom I asked about the opportunity asked me my main purpose in going there. I pondered on those words.